Sleep. That sometimes elusive state of bliss is all I can think about lately. I can barely remember what is it to have consecutive hours of sleep. I was probably a lot more patient, creative, happy, and got a lot more done back in the days when I actually got sleep. We were spoiled with kid #1 because she was a champion sleeper from the get go. Yeah there were tiny bumps in the road but she always overcame any issues. Now I am beginning to think that those first years of good sleep ruined me. How sad.
Each day is filled with two battles: Trying to get kid #2 to actually take a nap and trying to get #1 to take a nap but not too long of a nap.
Then comes the evening wars. Those battles are much more fierce. If #1 has taken too long of a nap, or got to sleep a little too late then she is running around in circles until 10pm or later. If she hasn't taken a nap then we deal with a very cranky kid from about 5pm on. Still haven't decided which is really better. Happy spazz awake until very late OR exceedingly grumpy pill who goes to bed early. Hmm... Since Sunday means no nap for #1, this is what we found yesterday after realizing she had been in her room and quiet for awhile:
But that's not even the real battle going on in our house. It is all about #2 right now. He is a lousy sleeper. He has never gotten into the swing of things. Since he was a newborn he just didn't like sleeping at night. Now that he is in the height of separation anxiety it has gone to all new levels. #2 is very good at being LOUD. So that makes for some seriously loud crying fits. He will wake up at least once (usually twice) a night and be inconsolable for a couple of hours. I have tried letting him cry himself back to sleep. Not only am I really wussy at this tactic, but did I mention he is really loud? I have also resorted to the bad habit of letting him sleep on the bed next to me. I know I know, this is lame. But after weeks of little sleep, what would you do at 3am when you are so drowsy you are afraid of dropping said loud baby and so will do almost anything to help him get to sleep? -sigh-
I just talked to our pediatrician this morning. She told me to buck up and get ready to hear some more crying. We need to let him learn how to self soothe and get himself to sleep. I knew this was coming. We tried (half-heartedly) and failed many times in the past nine months to do this. I have always caved. Jared would have made it work if it weren't for my soft heart hearing the sobs of my baby. I think I always kept holding out hope that he would somehow take after #1 and suddenly be a good sleeper. Denial ain't pretty folks. But there it is.
The only reason I write this post is not for people to read (are you even still reading this longer than long post?) but for me to purge. Yes, I need to get it all out because today marks a new chapter in our history. We are going to really buckle down and teach #2 to be a sleeper. I really have nothing (sleepwise, anyway) to lose anymore. I don't sleep anyway. So I am going to stock my iPod with some good soothing music to listen to while #2 cries his little head off and learns to soothe himself to sleep. It's going to be rough and I know I will probably cry a lot myself but it must be done. Wish us luck.
16 comments:
Good luck. I know you can do it. Don't worry too much about co-sleeping. We had both of our kids in our bed (one at a time) for months, and it didn't hurt them. You'll find something that works.
You can do it!!! You'll cry more than him...I promise! But you can do it! Oh, and good idea with the ipod! I wish I would have thought about that!
Good luck!! It is so hard to hear them scream and scream... but eventually, they will cry themselves to sleep. Josh and I went through this with Beckett a couple of times, but mostly he has been a champion sleeper.. just like your #1... Good luck- Eventually he will learn how to fall asleep... and hopefully stay asleep!
Good luck! It's so hard-the crying it out method-but it works miracles! Andrew is the softie in our house but being the mean mom that I am ok with letting them cry it out!
We have the same dilemna with Rylee, do we quit naps altogether and get her to bed at 7, or keep naps and have a party until 10. I'm leaning towards the first, but we'll se, you'll have to let me know what you work out with Afton!
Okay, so I hope I don't sound totally lame, but I watched a super nanny episode about this. She had the mom sit in the room on the floor with the crying child in the crib. The mom couldn't look at the kid, but he knew she was there. Then the mom moved closer to the door a little at a time. Each night when she put the child down, she started out sitting farther away than the night before, and after just a couple of nights, the child was fine. I have no idea if this would work. I too have a REALLY hard time just letting them cry. I do it, but I usually go in and rub their back or something..which probably makes the process longer. Sigh.. I just think, eventually, everything will work out, and then they will be teenagers and not want me to cuddle them anymore!
I feel your pain. I think that we just don't hear our children half the time anymore-- our bedroom is downstairs from theirs and I think that we just miss some of the crying so they give up on us!! I can't stand listening to them cry though when I do hear them. Good luck! I totally understand how you feel. That picture of #1 is hilarious. She is so cute.
I've battled this myself. But actually, I talked to my sister (who has 4 kids). And she said that the "cry it out method" totally worked for all of her kids, until one son. It didn't work with him. He could keep it up for 2 hours, when the others it would NEVER take more than 30 minutes. I identified--because Janson can scream for 2 hours. My sister said she feels it just doesn't work with some personalities.
I don't know. Whichever you decide, I'm sure you'll be guided to know and do what's best for YOUR son! Love ya!
abby, i have nothing to say other than I HEAR YOU AND I FEEL YOUR PAIN 100%.
best of luck from a fellow sleep-dreamer.
My mom had serious problems with my brother when it came to sleep...in the other hand...I was the one who gave her some peace!!!!!
Good luck with your #2!!!
As your Mom, I knew that you were very spoiled by #1's sleep habits. Have faith and endurance, my dear, this, too, shall pass.
Retain you your goal of having #2 off the nuk before he gets his driving license.
Good luck! I do not envy you at all! And you've sufficiently scared me, because my number 1 is a good sleeper ...what if the rest aren't?!? AHHH!!
Oh this could have been ME talking! I know, I know, I KNOW!!! But sometimes knowing you are not alone doesn't help you feel well-rested, so here's what saved me when we had to let number one "cry it out" at 8 months:
1. A baby can't cry himself to death.
2. Anything can be achieved of three consecutive nights of complete and utter consistency.
3. Emily came and read a book on our couch while he cried and we went out to her minivan and watched a movie--we couldn't handle it! He would cry for 2 hours easily, and the five, ten, fifteen minute visits did NOT WORK for him, it only made him more upset if we went in. But here's the testimonial: It was the best thing we ever did for him (and us). It's true, each child is so different. #2 sleeps half the night in my bed. I Know the deseration you feel!
I remember the pediatrician telling me to let Richard cry it out and then he would start to sleep through the night and I thought...DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE TO HAVE 6 PEOPLE IN THE HALL BEGGING YOU TO GET THAT BABY TO SHUT UP! It is hard . But it can be done. You having some sleep is worth it
Yeah, and Richard was still crawling into bed with me until he was 10 or 11.
And I'll add my 2 cents worth...my pediatrician told me that helping your child learn to sleep through the night is not only the very best thing you can do for YOURSELF but it is best for the baby. He said lots of babies are sleep deprived because they don't sleep deeply and can't soothe themselves when they wake up. It creates more illness, crankiness, etc. But man, oh man, is it hard! Brutal. Hang in there...hopefully this too will fade!
I am going to need you to give me some tips and courage!! Owen is still in bed with us (at nearly 10 months). We've half-heartedly tried a few times to transition him to his crib, but we never stuck to it. All three of us would be happier if we could just do it! Good luck and keep me posted!!
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