Helping a baby learn how to sleep is hard and sad. But making a preschooler go to bed is like nothing I have ever experienced. I turn into this really grumpy, short tempered disciplinarian that I don't really like being around. Usually because the battle is waged sometime between the hours of 2am and 5am. Those are not good hours for me. Since I am just not a morning person, those wee hours of the morning are not my best time, let's just say.
Without belaboring the point, we are pretty much out of ideas, techniques, and patience on this issue. I'm not for making a permanent bed on our floor for her to come in and sleep when she wakes in the middle of the night (she's a very kicking and wiggling bed-fellow so that's out for sure). I'm guilty of sleeping on her bed with her after trying (unsuccessfully, obviously) to get her to just go back to sleep. And when she wakes up Ben with her yelling it reaches new levels of annoyance. Bleh.
Somehow it is therapeutic to get it off my chest in this fashion. Poor Jared saw an ugly side of me last night after she stubbornly screamed for a solid hour. That's what war does to a person I guess. So SWII is raging on. I'm a pretty stubborn person too, but I don't know if I have the arsenal to battle this one all the way through. And now I'm dealing with a war injury, a stress-induced pinched nerve. Lame.
14 comments:
I'm scared to switch Claire to a toddler bed for this reason......ah!
We lost that war at our house, and just sort of got used to no sleep. I sleep in somebody else's bed 3-4 nights out of the week. Just seems to be easier. At least I get some sleep. The oldest one is finally good, and number 2 is pretty much there. I guess I figure it just takes a while. Fun times! If you find an answer, let me in on it!
Yikes! I totally empathize with you, but don't have any super great advice, unfortunately. Kennedy had a hard time staying in bed when she switched from a crib, but it was mostly at bedtime, not in the middle of the night. We eventually got her a larger double bed vs. the toddler bed, and she has done much better since then. I'm so sorry! Just know you are not a terrible parent (hello, you read my latest post!). We all go through these awful times and we're all in it together. You are amazing. And I just read the post about your mom too! I am sooooo sorry. I had no idea. How is she doing? Hang in there, lovey!
That's so frustrating. Me and Mike take turns to see who will go and comfort the screaming girl. We can't do anything with her. Have you tried nightlights, special animals, flashlights? Those all helped Ian. Talk to her before bed and tell to if she wakes up to roll over and go back to sleep. It worked with Ian.
Hey abby,
I totally feel for you because we have dealt with this sleeping problem just recently.
I am going to suggest some less nice things than the other parents.. I am one of those, like you who neeeeds their sleep and has no patience with little bodies waking up in the wee hours (especially if this means they will be grumps the next day!!!) So after I did some talking to various family members and trying several things here is what works for us.
Getting mad doesn't work, it is almost like the child looks for you to get mad/ to evoke a reaction out of you. So first stay calm, but clear... don't use sweet voices, it is kind of like the way the savior would talk to us when we do something not so nice.... "Doctrine and Covenants 1:37–38
What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled" so that brings me to point two
don't threat to do anything you can't stick to. which brings me to my final point and not so nice part....
Talk to her before she goes to bed. Tell her that if she gets out of her bed when it is still dark outside (or talks or yells) you will take away one of her toys and put it in the "naugthy bag" if she gets out of bed again you will put soap in her mouth (kids really do not like this and she will learn very soon to stop (I use just the littlest amount of dish soap)) Finally if she keeps coming out you can put her under a cold shower. I know... not very nice, but it will condition her not to get to this point ever.
The biggest key in all of this is to stick to what you say NO MATTER WHAT.... she will cry in a way that just rips your heart out! The testing of you keeping your word is the biggest thing for her and as soon as she realizes that you WILL do the things you told her she will opt for the toy keeping, no soap in the mouth, no cold showers option.
Also you can put something nice on the other end of your talk before bed. Tell her that if she does stay in her bed all night (still and with no noises) that she can earn a reward... She can earn one of her toys back from the "naughty bag" for example or you can get a glass jar and some pretty clear pebbles at the dollar store and you can tell her that every night she stays asleep you will add a pebble to her jar... when the jar reaches the top she can have a reward like a new toy/ new clothes/ or a date with just her and dad.... or whatever reward you like to give her. You'll probably have to remind her of these rules every night for a while. (and have to remember to put pebbles in her jar when she does stay asleep)
Man!!!!this has turned out to be probably a big piece of unwanted advice. I hope that whatever you end up doing will get you more rest!!! and even though this method sounds kind of cruel, just remember you are doing your family, Afton and yourself a big favor by having rested bodies and minds!
Oh Abby, I'm sorry! I don't know if you are looking for advice or if you just wanted to vent but Grant was getting up and coming into our room for a while during that same time. I was so tired, I let him get in our bed. I let him sleep next to us for 10 or so minutes and then I would tell him it was time for him to go back to his bed. Most of the time he would be okay going by himself and other times I had to bring him back. But, considering the screaming - it doesn't sound like this would work for her. All I can say is that she will hopefully grow out of it? Grant rarely if ever comes into our room now. We had some frustrations with him earlier trying to get him to bed. He would stay awake for hours even though he never had a nap. Turns out he just needed to go to bed a half an hour earlier and he went right to bed. Any later and he got wound up. Good luck!
My mom and dad had a permanent bed on their floor for years for Jared and then later for Richard and they turned out...well, you know how they turned out.
I am a real meanie at 2am too. Feel bad, but not too bad. I am sure that you are really doing your best. It is stinkin' hard.
Every time Afton sleeps in our room I just keep thinking how it is payback for the years I tortured my parents.
Oh Abby... I have no advice to offer because I have no idea what you are going through. I hope you can find some magic solution and then pass it on to me when Beckett is that age and I need the advice... Good luck.
Have you tried duct-taping her to the bed? Or even more effective,I have found that buying a scary looking mask works--- when they hop out of bed in the middle of the night, put on the scary mask and say "I am going to get you if you don't get back in bed!!! GRrrrrrrr!"
I found out that it can be sort of fun to scare your children into submission, and my anger seems to disappate. When we were going through the same thing with LL, my dad said, "You have to make staying in their own bed more appealing than your room..." so the mask really works. ;)
Being completely inexperienced, I offer only sympathy. But I'm sure going to remember all of these comments for later. :)
p.s. my parents keep tossing the word Benadryl around. Maybe that's why I slept well as a kid.
Abby, so I feel for you! Rylee went through a tough stage of this a few months ago. Is Afton still napping? We cut out Rylee's nap (and it was hard) but it makes a huge difference to have her just plum exhausted by the time bedtime rolls around.
We also did a sticker chart that every night she stayed in bed until the "sun came in her window" she'd get a sticker and when the chart filled up she got to go to the dollar store. I'm the meanest mom ever at 3 am, usually after I would finally get Rylee to sleep, I would be racked with guilt and wouldn't be able to fall asleep because I felt so bad for being so mean. I did stick with my rule that she is not allowed to sleep with us and we will not sleep with her. It's a hard rule to stick with, but it's worth it in the end I think!
Hang in there, and I hope you find a solution and fast!
Reading all of this brings back many sleepless nights and is why at this stage in my life I do not feel quilty for sleeping in, enjoying the quiet because for many years just like you now, we did not have that. Sorry..... some day there will be a quiet night again
Lock the door and let 'em scream.
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