Ready for another visit recap? And a more serious post?

So my dad is getting married... again.

It has been 3 1/2 years since my mom passed away.  Not a single day goes by without me thinking about her.  I try to talk about her with the kids so they can know who she is.  I keep her picture up in three different rooms of the house so she is a regularly seen face.  I have grown so much wiser about the dynamics of our relationship.  I am thankful for the Atonement, the entire plan of salvation, and our resurrection that I very much look forward to.  Being in heaven with my mom and all my family is my number one goal.

And I knew this day was coming.  I didn't know when, but I knew it would come.  There were times that I wanted to hear those words from my dad and, I admit, times I really hoped I wouldn't.  But here we are.  He has found a wonderful woman that he is in love with and that he wants to marry.  Be sealed to in the temple, actually.  And now we are making plans to be there to celebrate with him in a few short weeks.

When asked about how I feel about all of it (a question I keep getting asked) I can honestly say I have felt a very wide range of feelings.  First and foremost I am so happy for my dad.  I want him to be happy, accomplish his goals, have companionship and someone to love and take care of him.  That is wonderful.  Then there are the feelings of nervousness that he is moving too fast, or hasn't really vetted the situation fully to make such a huge step.  There is even a little bit of sadness.  Even though my mind is behind it, my heart hurts a little bit as it feels that this marriage is in a way a replacement for my mom.  Like I said, my mind is good to go.  My heart needs some coaxing along.  But I'll get there.  I know I will.  I want to.

I know my dad is a man who faithfully tries to do what is right.  I trust that about him.  So I need to lean on his faith while mine develops more.  I'm glad it can work like that.

We were lucky enough to get our third family visit in the month of April.  Yes, that makes more visits from family in one month that we've had in most years combined.  How did we get so lucky?  My dad and Shirley (the fiancé, of course) came to visit.  The kids were so excited to meet their new Grandma Shirley.  Ben said, "Now we get a live Gramma instead of a dead one!"  Yes, in a way that is true.  But how do I explain that his Grandma Taffy will still always be his grandma?  That understanding will have to just come with age,  I guess.  They came to make some introductions and to celebrate all the birthdays we have going on around here.

Seeing my dad like a giddy twenty year old was totally new for me.  The most I saw my parents do all my life was give a benign little kiss to each other.  Now I was watching him hold hands and look adoringly at another woman.  How could I be having such mixed feelings of genuine happiness for him and also the urge to scrunch my nose and look away?  When your parent gets remarried, I guess you'll understand. :)

We had a really nice visit.  We got to meet this brave, beautiful woman who wants to take on my dad and all of us.  She hugged my kids so tight they knew right away that she loves them.  They wanted to be with her and make her laugh and get snuggles and sit by her.  She was so good with them.  I was amazed at her ability to love so freely, and ashamed that I am not totally there yet.

I'm really grateful that they are brave enough to move forward with this major life decision.  Watching other people be brave makes me want to be brave too.  So here is to making big decisions and having faith!