Resolution

I haven't really thought about New Years Resolutions at all this year.  It just seems that I have so many things to work on, that I can't even start to make a list.  But one thing has stuck out lately that has been tugging at my conscience a lot.  I have become one of those grumpy moms that just bosses everyone around, yells daily, and feels frustrated at the chaos.  Dang.  I really didn't want to become that.  And yet, here I am.

Last Sunday a woman in our ward that I greatly admire got up in RS to bear her testimony.  She related how she had been trying to teach her two teenage sons a lesson during testimony meeting that day and how they were resisting and kind of ignoring her.  She said she was feeling really exasperated and annoyed that they weren't getting her point.  Then she was surprised as her one son told her that she can't make him have a testimony.  He has to grow his testimony by sharing it.  I don't know if that little story makes sense, but it really impacted me.  This woman is the model of cool to me.  She is kind, generous, funny, intelligent, and all that good stuff.  Her kids share that same list of qualities.  I want to be like her.  So to hear that she was annoyed that her kids were ignoring her made me feel really good, in a twisted sort of way.  If this amazing woman could feel frustrated at her kids and still be a good mom, it made me feel like I had a chance.

As I was browsing Pinterest the other day, I actually came across something really interesting nestled between all those crafty ideas that I am not interested in at all.  It is a blog called The Orange Rhino.  Basically it is a mom who felt much like I just described and wanted to make a change.  She decided to challenge herself to commit to STOP yelling for a year.  If she messed up, her timer started over again.  She laid out her parameters and thought thru the details.  I really connected to it.   When things are particularly hectic around our house, I get this nagging feeling that I am the one that is kind of responsible for it.  When I get all worked up about stepping over the same mess over and over again, then the kids get worked up about stuff too.  On the rare days that I am the model of patience, the kids seem to be more patient and kind too.  Go figure.

So I am taking on the challenge for myself.  I have been at it for three days and I feel like I could host an infomercial advocating it already.  OK, it isn't THAT great yet.  But I have noticed a difference.  If I am calm and communicative first, the whole atmosphere in our house is generally calmer.  That is not to say that we haven't had some doozy of tantrums lately.  Because we surely have.  But it means that I am not in a state of grump all the day long because of that feeling of the loss of control.  I feel like if I can keep control of myself, all the craziness around me can be dealt with better.  So all that self-mastery stuff that I've been learning all along in my life is actually really important.  Yeah, it takes me awhile for stuff to sink in my stubborn head.

Wish me luck as I try this out.  I am sure I'll have to start over again and again.  And I am also sure that if I actually make it through an entire year, I won't suddenly start yelling again.  :)